And The Tears Never Stop
by PsychicDreams
Summary: How would Watanuki take it if Doumeki died?


I've seen a few fanfictions that have Doumeki dealing with Watanuki's death, should that happen, but none dealing with how Watanuki would deal with Doumeki's death.

It sat there, staring at him. Or should it be said he was staring at it?

Watanuki sighed, chewing his bottom lip as he looked at the extra bento he had made. It had been two weeks and he was still doing it. He'd done it so long now that it had become second nature to make extra for that over-muscled, over-confident archer. Even though he'd grumbled, it was always rather nice that someone had appreciated his cooking.

But Doumeki wouldn't be eating it anymore.

_You always did like my bentos, idiot. God, you are so annoying! You and those stupid out-of-season things you asked for! Do you know how hard it was for me to find some of that stuff, moron! Frustrating, stupid archer!_

"Damn fool," he muttered, standing from his chair and packing up the other things he'd need for school that day. Part of him wondered just what fool that he was referring to, Doumeki or himself? And as usual when it happened, he dumped the extra food in the trash bin and left his apartment.

Things had been exceptionally quiet since it happened. Yuuko hadn't sent him out on any jobs and had even dropped her needling of him to a minimum. It was rather nice, in a way, but he kept telling her that it wasn't necessary. The fool had done it himself. It didn't matter to him; what Doumeki did was not his affair. Doumeki had been nothing more than a rival to him.

Yet Yuuko would merely shake her head at him.

_You're not here anymore, so you don't see Yuuko. It's like she's changed since you…Well, at least you're not doing stupid stuff anymore. Not like that ever stopped you before! Running around like a chicken with your head cut off, is what you did! You didn't **have** to jump in front of me that time!_

So many things he kept doing now that had no more meaning, like taking the street that lead past Doumeki's home on the way to school. Watanuki's eyes shifted to look at the gates that lead to the shrine, seeing a slim but older figure in the distance. He knew who it was. It was Doumeki's mother. His heart began to pound painfully in his chest. He had been there the day Yuuko had gone to her to tell her what had happened. Or rather, to tell her that Doumeki had died; Watanuki had a suspicion she hadn't said how or that he'd been involved. He'd been too far away to hear it, but seeing the shock and how she'd crumpled to the ground said it all.

In the end, they had only exchanged a few lines and he couldn't bring himself to speak to her again. She had known of him. He'd been shocked to learn that Doumeki talked about him when he went home. And it brought a rush of illogical guilt to him. She was lonely, he knew. Watanuki had seen the graves for Doumeki's grandfather, grandmother, and father. She was alone. And she was always sweeping in the mornings.

_What kind of moron are you that you'd talk about me at home, eh? I keep telling you I hate you, but it never got through that stone head of yours. But she's okay, Doumeki. You're probably worried about her and all, but you always worried about everything. You were meddlesome too. You always followed me around and kept messing with things, like my eye. But I think you're Mom will be okay. She's like you, right?_

His fist clenched around his bag and he burst into a run away from the shrine before she could see him.

The bell rung, leaving plenty of time for Watanuki to get to his classroom even while walking. The whole atmosphere of the school and the people had changed. It was more than subdued; it was downright depressed. The archery team hadn't even done a single practice since then and the captain had resigned, as if it had been personally his fault that Doumeki was no longer there.

Fault…?

Himiwari popped up and effectively ended whatever thought Watanuki was going to pursue at the word. But there lingered sadness around her eyes and mouth as they talked while waiting for the teacher to arrive. The look was common to him. Everyone had it now, and many also expressed confusion as to how it could possibly happen. Nobody, not even Himiwari knew. Nobody knew that Watanuki had been there when it happened and he had no intention of telling anyone.

_Yeah, we can't tell anyone about what happened, can we, Doumeki? At the very least, I'd be arrested or confined in a mental hospital. But you never cared to tell anyone why you were doing anything anyway, even when I'd scream at you to tell me. You were so utterly annoying!_

The day was a blur until he found himself at lunch. It was like every other day. Nothing stood out to him; nothing was worth commenting on. Himiwari joined him as usual, but he found it disturbing that he couldn't even bring up much enthusiasm these past two weeks to greet her as he usually did. Had the atmosphere of depression had begun to seep into him as well?

"Watanuki-kun?"

Watanuki blinked and jerked his head up, realizing that he'd completely missed whatever Himiwari had been saying. She watched him for a moment in surprise and then her face softened in sorrow. "You really miss him, huh?"

"Miss who, Himiwari-chan?" But they both knew his words were false. He knew very well who she was referring too. The boy had been on his mind three times as much now than he had been before he'd died.

"Doumeki-kun was a close friend of yours, wasn't he?" She looked down and picked at her bento, as if it were tasteless. "He always loved your lunches."

His hand began to shake as he held his chopsticks. Something in him began to crack. "We weren't all that close," he whispered.

It was as if she didn't hear him. "He was so worried about your eye when it was injured and so relieved when it healed."

The chopsticks shattered in his hand when he held them too hard. His eye. It was Doumeki's eye. He'd given him half his sight, even when he had never asked him to. He had always kept asking him if he was all right. He was always placing himself in jeopardy for a boy that could see spirits.

"Watanuki-kun?"

His very first tear since Doumeki's death plummeted down his cheek to land in his carefully prepared rice. "Stupid idiot," he muttered brokenly.

"What?"

"STUPID IDIOT!"

Whatever it was inside of him that had shattered when his chopsticks did bade him to run, so he did. It didn't matter that it was in the middle of school; it didn't matter that Himiwari was yelling his name behind him. He just had to do what that insistent feeling inside of him was telling him. And he didn't want to cry in front of Himiwari.

_Damn fool! Both of us are fools, Doumeki! You're an idiot for always putting yourself in danger for me. How many times have I told you that I never asked you to! Why did this have to be **my** fault you're not here anymore!_

It was almost surreal that the day was bright and cheerful; the sun shining down with not a rain cloud in sight. They were like puffy marshmallows in happy shapes, bouncing along in the sky like as it were a river. It was so completely divorced from what he was feeling inside that he wanted to laugh. After all, he was already weeping, so what else was there?

Yuuko's figure standing next to the gateposts made him realize just where his feet had taken him. It was no surprise, his brain told him. Yuuko was the only one that knew what had happened and could understand why he was upset. She was the only person that he could talk to about it.

Her arms wrapped around his form in a hug as he barreled into her, still sobbing. She didn't need to ask any questions; it was almost as if she had been waiting for this to happen. Waiting for the shell of anesthetized shock to wear off and for Doumeki's death to actually hit him.

"It's my fault! If I hadn't been there, if he had never met me, he wouldn't be dead right now!"

Yuuko's face was filled with seriousness. He'd never seen her look like this before except for once: when Syaoran and Sakura had come from another world. Then she had truly been the Witch of Dimensions, and not just an annoying wish-granter with a penchant for drinking. She radiated a deep power and an encompassing knowledge that no mortal could hope to have.

"_Hitsuzen_, Watanuki. There are many different fates and this was one of them. I had hoped that it would not come about. But in no fate that I've seen, had you two never once met. No matter what, you two were destined to meet. This was not your fault."

"Then whose fault is it?" he demanded, angry now. He wanted someone to blame, even if it was himself, for Doumeki's death.

But Yuuko didn't answer and after a few more minutes of silence, Watanuki gave up the hope that she'd say anything to ease his pain. A sob choked in his throat, making it hard to breathe, and he cried. Cried as hard as he had the day his parents died.

_Stubborn idiot! It's senseless! I never **asked** for undying devotion! I never wanted it! All I wanted was for the confusion to end! I never wanted you dead! …I never wanted you dead anymore than I wanted you gone. All right, I admit it. As annoying as you were, I never wanted you gone._

"Come inside, Watanuki, and have some tea. Himiwari will be bringing your bags shortly."

Watanuki didn't question how she knew it. It was one of those things that he took on faith. He knew that he'd be the one making the tea; he knew that he'd be the one to serve it. And somehow he knew that soon, he'd be yelling and arguing with her like normal. But nothing would truly be normal anymore. Not with Doumeki gone. He hadn't realized until right then just how much a fixture he had become in his whole world. Doumeki had been a comforting presence, whether or not he had noticed.

His steps were slow and unsure as he stepped across the threshold into the "not there" area where Yuuko kept her shop. Had he forgotten how to walk alone? He had relied so much on Doumeki. Now it was like taking way the helping hand and learning to walk all alone on your own again.

_Don't be gone, Doumeki. Keep an eye out for me, would you, idiot? Watch my back like you always did. The spirits aren't going to go away and I'm going to need all my luck. So…be there would you?_

Because I never wanted you gone.

**-End-**


End file.
